


The Dahlia

by Raddish



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Mentioned Character Death, Not much of a plot, after anteiku raid, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5024131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raddish/pseuds/Raddish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inner strength.<br/>The morning after you cry yourself to sleep is always the time when you realize you have the strength to keep going.</p>
<p>An Akira based drabble-ish thing that was supposed to be for the TG lady week last month.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dahlia

**Author's Note:**

> I made this a few months ago. I had full intention of participating in TG lady week back in September, but long story short I lost my motivation. I did manage to finish this one though, found it in my drive, and figured why not.  
> I hope you like this. It's not much, but I'm very proud of it.
> 
> Takes place after the CCG raid on Anteiku.

**Akira Mado - Dahlia Flower - Inner Strength**

It was strange. Coming home after all that happened was just...strange.

Akira stood in the doorway to her little apartment, not bothering to turn on a light. It was early morning, the raid on Anteiku had just been brought to an end. Everyone had fresh blood on their hands. People were dead. Lots of people were dead. Good, strong people were lying dead somewhere.

Had they even accomplished anything? She couldn’t remember. Did they even win? Owl got away, right? Both Owls. They’d failed. All those people were dead, and in the end they just failed.

Akira slid off her shoes and placed them neatly in a corner. How depressing. They couldn’t even have the comfort of success. She wondered, had her father felt like this too? After mother was ripped apart by the Owl, had he wandered back home in a daze, just like she did, and gone to bed with the strange empty feeling you get when you lose someone? Akira remembered the next day, wondering why mother wasn’t in bed like she always was. A short wave of gratitude washed over her as she realized at least she wouldn’t have to explain to anyone, much less a child.

Dragging her feet through the quiet apartment, Akira thought if maybe she was the reason her father was able to stay as strong as he did. Surely he wanted to break, wanted to fall into despair and never see the light of day again, just like she did. But he didn’t, because if father and daughter fell together there would be no one left to pull them out.

Unlike him, she was all alone. She had no one to hold on for and no one to hold on to. And she was falling, faster and faster with every minute. Who would pull her out now?

Akira took off her clothes outside of the bathroom. They fell to the floor with quiet thuds. The clock read 4:25 a.m., but she needed to shower. It couldn’t wait. The water scalded her back, but it felt nice. Her eyes burned and her chest tightened. The shower water dribbled down her cheeks and mixed quietly with her tears.

She was alone now. First mother. Then father. Her family was gone, and next went her companions. How could she go to work in the morning if Amon wasn’t there? How could she function without Takizawa’s attempts to one-up her? It was impossible. Living a normal life after all that had happened seemed completely impossible. She fell further down into that abyss.

After scrubbing herself clean, Akira turned off the water. Slowly, she dried herself. With only the most intimate parts of her body covered by the towel, she dragged herself to bed. Maris Stella sat on her pillow, waiting for her.

She fell onto the bed and held the towel to her face. Inhale, she breathed in the scent of her body and her detergent. Exhale, she blew her breath out into the fabric. Repeat and smell your own breath this time. Once more, be careful not to breathe in any tears.

The cat fur brushed her cheek as Maris Stella twitched her tail. Akira curled up naked on her bed, crying into a towel. The one good thing about being alone was there was no one to see her as such a mess.

This was it, she was at the bottom. There was no one left to offer their hand to her. Hell, she wasn't sure she'd want to take it even if there was. Quiet crying became sobbing. Pathetic, self-pitying sobbing. Maris Stella must have noticed, and pressed up against her bare back, as if assuring her it would be okay. She cried until the sun was peeking its head out, slowly spreading light.

* * *

 

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but the next time she opened her eyes the clock read noon. Maris Stella had abandoned her for food and Akira was feeling the consequences of sleeping naked. She pulled the blanket over herself and huddled in the warmth.

Quiet. The world was oddly quiet. Sunlight filtered through the blinds, making stripes across the room. Akira silently watched the shadows of birds and planes fly through them.

She was okay. Strangely enough, she was okay. By one she had pushed herself out of bed, gotten dressed, and was making a lunch; eggs with cheese. Maris Stella rubbed against her ankles, begging for tuna. The news on the TV detailed the story of a CCG raid, and saved a moment to talk about the investigators who never made it home. She watched somberly. Her chest ached as they read off the names, but after a minute or two they were on to the next segment. Suddenly feeling tired, she turned it off, and decided that a stir fry would be easier on her stomach than eggs.

Akira ate on her bed, studying the sky as she chewed on the vegetables. She couldn't get in more than a few bites, but it was enough to keep her satisfied. She spent the day under the covers, holding Maris Stella against her chest. At six she turned the TV back on to catch the end of her favorite movie. She sang along quietly to the credits. Before the night was done, she arranged her work clothes for the next day, and picked a package of instant oatmeal that would serve as breakfast.

Life was moving. She was living. It hurt, it might always hurt a little, but she would use her own two hands to crawl out from her darkest place.

She was strong. Akira realized while getting ready for bed how strong she was. She'd made it through one of the hardest nights of her life, and she was able to wake up the next morning and continue on. She would do it, even if there was no one to help her. She would live, and she would be alright. Not for her father, not for Amon, not for the CCG or for anyone at work, but for herself. She would keep her head above the water simply because she didn't want to drown. Good thing she'd always been a strong swimmer.

The morning after you cry yourself to sleep is always the time when you realize that you have the strength to keep going.


End file.
